The game between men and women basically follows the same rules as it has for thousands of years. At a grammar school in Pforzheim in my day, there was a strikingly pretty girl who many people dreamed about, but nobody actually dared to approach her. She was friendly to anyone who had the courage to talk to her. But somehow she remained aloof and most people stuttered as soon as she was around.

A good ten years later, I met her in the company of a guy whom she introduced to me as her husband. Not a superman, but a very ordinary guy, the kind I wouldn’t have expected from the prettiest girl in the whole grammar school. He stood there, rather bored, while we told each other the short version of the life we had led since our teenage days together.

At some point, he broke off the conversation quite abruptly and said in an almost bossy, authoritative tone: „We have to move on!“ She then obediently interrupted her torrent of words, politely said goodbye to me and was led away by the unsympathetic guy without comment.

Why does a woman like her allow herself to be bossed around by such an inconspicuous-looking guy? Why are there women who constantly gossip about the man at their side as soon as he’s not there, and yet have lived with him for many years and do everything they can to please him? He, on the other hand, promises them the blue sky, but doesn’t keep any of his promises. He is there, but you can’t really recognize a real sense of togetherness. He acts bossy and treats her from above, while she patiently puts up with everything and behaves in an almost childishly meek manner in his presence.

A psychologist friend of mine puts it all down to a very special father-daughter relationship. The father is the first man in a girl’s life, she said. He is the greatest for her and she wants to please him at all costs. She wants to do everything to please him, just to be praised and lovingly caressed. And she accepts it humbly and with tears in her eyes when she has disappointed him and he pays her back for her weakness with the crop or the leather strap.

Such a father is the epitome of a man for his daughter: dominating, controlling and strict. All other men who come into her life later have to measure themselves against him.

So if someone is hopelessly in love with her and willing to do anything for her, then he’s not really the right man for you. If someone wants to make her happy with gifts and only talks about her in exuberant terms, then he is also on the wrong track. A man who treats her from the top down and with whom she has to make a real effort to be noticed at all has a better chance. Just like it was with her father back then.

According to her way of thinking, she first has to earn a man’s attention through a lot of devotion and good behavior. After all, she is „only“ a woman and he is the man into whose hands she wants to place herself. So she has to win his favor and not the other way around. Doesn’t the Bible already say that Abraham „took“ a wife? And doesn’t it also say that the woman is on earth for her husband’s sake and must serve him? Hasn’t it always been the case that it was the man who set the tone and chose the woman who sparked his lust and fired his imagination?

Women who are attracted to a guy who will later patronize them usually had a father who was dismissive and emotionally cold. One who made it clear to her from the start that she had to parry if she wanted to be loved. A man who hit her mercilessly if she didn’t bend to his will and to whom she had to pander in order to get his attention or even love.

If such an image of men determines a girl’s life in the first three years, it becomes a firmly anchored part of her personality. If her bottom has already been exposed as a little girl to punish her for any misbehavior, she will expect this from every man who has the say over her for the rest of her life. Yes, she will even instinctively look for men who kiss and love her on the one hand, but on the other hand have no problem giving her a good slap in the face or taking the leather belt to draw thick welts on her bottom and thighs.

Women who are used to male dominance from an early age will perceive such behavior as completely normal. On the other hand, they will automatically perceive a man who is gentle and loving towards them as a weakling. They will respect and appreciate a man who loves them but is sometimes rough with them. Men are just like that. Real men protect a woman, but they do not tolerate an unruly woman and pay her back if she does not show the obedience that a woman owes them.

That may sound strange, but it’s actually anything but. Because if you think back a few centuries, you quickly realize that women were never actually in a position to choose a man to spend their lives with. In biblical times, i.e. in the period that our era dates back to, a woman actually only fulfilled two tasks: She was the object of male desire and she was a means to an end. Girls were brought up to be industrious and obedient and if they did not obey, they were made naked and given the whip. She grew up simply to be sold. It was literally about a bride price and the more beautiful the daughter was, the higher it was.

Back then, a man didn’t have to go to great lengths to find the object of his desire. He simply spoke to the girl’s father and negotiated the price. If the price was within his means, the deal was sealed and there was a big celebration. This was called a wedding and it ended with the girl having to prove that she was still a virgin. A pierced hymen confirmed that the goods were still intact and that was exactly what every man expected from „his“ wife.

Whereby it was „his“ wife in a very direct sense, because according to the applicable social rules, she belonged to him lock, stock and barrel. He would not just enjoy her charms. He would also mold her according to his will, even if it required many lashes. Because the woman is there for the man’s sake.

So for many centuries, it was never the women who were courted and carried on their hands. It was always the men who made the choice, while the women did their best to please them.

In principle, this has never changed. Women still dress in a way that attracts as many men as possible. They allow glimpses and insights that ultimately have only one goal: to please, to attract attention and to win over exactly the guy who corresponds to the ideal of the „right“ man. Even today, most women still realize, at least subconsciously, that they are the ones who have to please and serve.

Which in turn explains why almost no battered woman immediately goes to the police. On the contrary, she will look for the fault primarily in herself and make a special effort to ensure that he never has reason to reprimand her again.

However, most men have forgotten how to fulfill the role they have played for centuries. A man who is aware of his position and knows that his wife is there to make his life as pleasant as possible will not simply strike out uncontrollably. He will calmly remove his leather belt from his trousers and be aware of the fact that a woman has a particularly pronounced bottom that seems specially designed to give her the rebuke she simply needs from time to time.