A country has clear rules. They’re called laws. They’re established once and usually apply permanently. It’s no different in a traditional dominant relationship. Here, the head of the house alone determines what is permitted and what is forbidden. He also determines the punishment for violating one of his laws. He ensures clear conditions and a clear order in the area for which he is responsible.
A far-sighted head of the house would do well to establish these rules – his laws – right from the start. If he intends to marry the woman of his choice, then she must be perfectly clear about what she’s getting into with him. She must know that she’s placing herself under his control and thus no longer has all the freedoms she may have previously enjoyed.
Getting involved with a dominant man has very clear consequences for a woman. He certainly won’t be the wimp who carries her on his hands and understands all her feminine quirks. No, he will rule over her and clearly define what she may and may not do, what she must do and what she must not do. He will undoubtedly impose sanctions if she does not follow his instructions. And he will reserve the right to punish her if she absolutely refuses to obey him.
But what a true master of the house must avoid at all costs is inconsistency. The woman must be able to rely on him. She must know that he will keep his word in every respect. She must be able to firmly assume that his yes is just as valid as his no, and that he will not reverse a decision once made. This is precisely where she derives the security and reliability she values in him, and this is precisely where the trust and security she feels under his leadership come from.
This is precisely the quality that makes her feel attracted to him. This is exactly what she expects, and this is what he must guarantee her.
It simply cannot happen that he lets something slide today that will suddenly result in a sharp reprimand or even serious consequences tomorrow. She would immediately interpret that as weakness, and a true man of the house simply cannot afford to show weakness in leadership. After all, she loves him because she feels safe around him. She values him not for his infinite understanding, but for his toughness. That’s exactly what she expects from a real man, and that’s exactly what he must show her. Consistently and without ifs, ands, or buts.
If he married her, then he entered into a contract with her. The details of this contract, however, are dictated by the state and rarely favor the man. But if he made her his wife, then this brings with it consequences that reach deep into the relationship. Deeper than all the clauses that come with the state marriage contract. Because a power structure always develops between husband and wife. The law may speak of equality. In practice, however, the law of the strongest prevails, and with a dominant man, that will certainly not be the woman.
He will therefore establish his own rules. He will ensure from the very beginning that the relationship operates according to his rules. This, by the way, applies not only to a classic, formal marriage, but also to every other type of relationship. He has established a life partnership with her. He will lead, guide, and dominate her. He will ensure that their life together follows his rules. And he should agree to this privately and just as bindingly with her before the official signature at the registrar’s office.
In the 19th century (and up until the 1950s), such a contract would have been completely unnecessary. Back then, the term „head of the house“ still had a very real meaning. Back then, it was quite natural for the man to set the rules in the marriage. If his wife wanted to pursue her own career, he had to give his written consent. Actually, her place was at home, where her job was to take care of the children and ensure her husband had everything he could wish for. Back then, the concept of dominance didn’t even exist, because every man was dominant, and if he wasn’t, he was considered a weakling under her thumb.
Back then, not only did the master of the house determine what was permitted and what was forbidden in his house. He also had the natural right to punish his wife and children if they disobeyed his law. For this purpose, every marriage or family had a stick or leather strap at hand, and it was clear who was in charge and who was expected to submit. Because without means of power, there is no power, everyone knew at the time.